Archive | September, 2010

Dinner in a Pinch

27 Sep

As you may well know, I’m in college, and thus, poor. So I come up with some pretty genius ways to get by. I’m kind of a foodie, and the biggest challenge for me is finding ways to eat on a budget without sacrificing, well, taste. And tonight, I came up with another magical concoction. Here goes:

Ingredients:

  • Frozen shrimp. The amount depends on how many you’re feeding. I used about 10 shrimp to feed myself. If you have a chance, cut the tails off before you cook them. I didn’t and I don’t mind using my fingers, but it does get messy.
  • Box of pasta roni. I used garlic and olive oil vermicelli. The parmesan would be good too. Or really, whatever you like.
  • About 2 tablespoons butter or margarine. I used margarine.
  • About 1 clove minced garlic. Be careful here. If you use the kind that comes in a jar, it will stick to the shrimp. The second time making this I used garlic powder.

First, make the box of pasta as per the directions. It takes longer than the shrimp take, and you need to let it sit to thicken anyways.

While the pasta is cooking, thaw your shrimp in a skillet on medium heat. When the shrimp are thawed and sort of warm, take them out of the skillet and put them aside in a bowl or plate or other shrimp receptacle. Empty the skillet of any water/shrimp juice. Return the skillet to heat and add the butter/margarine, it will melt pretty quickly. Add the garlic or garlic powder, and add the shrimp. The goal is really to toss the sauce all over the shrimp and allow the shrimp to get hot. By now the pasta is probably done.

Get a plate, and put the pasta on it. Then slide those tasty shrimp right out of the skillet and onto the pasta bed. Then prepare your taste buds for the onslaught of delicious they’re about to experience.

The beauty of it? Provided you had butter/garlic lying around, the whole meal probably only cost you about $10. An entire bag of shrimp could probably feed 4 people, and for 4 people I’d recommend 2 boxes of pasta. Bam. Flavor on a budget. You’re welcome.

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Okay

21 Sep

Enough with the emotional word-vomit. Sorry guys, but this is a personal blog. So if you were looking for something funny or witty, I’ve been out of commission. But the good news is, I cried, I spent an obscene amount of time with friends, and I worked it out.

So now back to the regularly scheduled wit. Except in the morning. Because I’m tired.

Promises, promises

18 Sep

Today is another bad day. I can’t believe I’m on this path. I mean, I understand what I need to do, but I just…can’t. I know I need to just delete him from my life, mourn, and move on. But how do you just delete someone you cared about so much? I used to wake up next to him and think “wow… now this is the guy I can settle with”. Now I wake up alone. No warning. Nothing. Just done.

I should just delete his phone number, but I don’t see the point. I know it by heart. I’ll end up texting him in the middle of the night, lonely and drunk. Again. Because each tiny little wisp of contact gives me a little shiver of hope. But then I have to face the facts. Even if I continue to sleep with him…I won’t be the only one. I’ll just be one of a few.

I know it was doomed. I loved him, and he didn’t love me back. Plain and simple. I don’t think he was even close. I keep telling myself that no matter how much I loved and cared for him, and lent him my encouragement and companionship, he was never going to commit the way I already had. Because he told me, his job sucks, he needs to get to school…but so far, dumping me has been the only thing about his life he’s changed. Maybe it was all just an excuse? I wish I knew. I wish I knew so I could stop telling myself that maybe he’ll miss me. Maybe he’ll realize what he had and how stupid he was to throw it away.

I wish I could just forget everything that happened, every moment shared, every promise whispered in the dark.

They say it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. I disagree. I wish we’d never met.

Scholar

16 Sep

Right now I’m sitting in a computer lab at school, “learing how to use the library” aka updating my blog. Nothing new is going on really. So this is a pointless waste of my time, but hey, its more exciting than this lecture.

Annnyways…

Yeah, that’s all I got. Until next time!

I’m sorry

14 Sep

I’m sorry I believed you that night at the lagoon. I’m sorry I decided to turn a blind eye to the little signs along the way. I’m sorry I let you in. I’m sorry I let you become part of my life, and my identity. I’m sorry I fell in love with you. I’m sorry I was happy.  I’m sorry I imagined us together. I’m sorry I looked past your flaws. I’m sorry I told you I loved you. I’m sorry I wanted us to have a future. I’m sorry I expected you to want the things you said you did. I’m sorry I expected you to hold true to  your promises.

I’m sorry.

Music for the Brokenhearted

12 Sep

Just for fun, these are my favorite breakup albums/artists/songs:

  • P!ink – I’m Not Dead. Really anything by her. She’s an amazing strong woman and her music sort of empowers you.
  • The Pierces – Thirteen Tales of Love and Revenge. I think the title says it all, but most of the songs resonate with me. From “I do not want for you to be happy, I just want you to come to ruin” to “Never underestimate the power of…”.
  • Ani Difranco – Evolve. Nothing specifically breakup related, but this seems to be one of my go-to albums.
  • Lady GaGa – The Fame. Because shit son, It’s Lady GaGa.
  • Evanesence – Fallen. I know how emo that sounds, but its an old standby for me.
  • Metallica – The Black Album. For when you need to get mad. Or even.

More Emotions (sorry)

12 Sep

I feel like I’m not allowed to be angry. I feel like if I get angry, I’m going to burn a bridge. And I don’t want to burn a bridge, because quite frankly, I want him back.

Last night I dreamed that I ran into him with this girl, a mutual friend of ours, though moreso his good friend than mine. In the past, he’d talked about how he hit on her but she had a boyfriend, and if he were single he’d be all over that. So, it makes my dream plausible. I dreamed that he was telling me how perfect she was, how happy she made him, how much he LOVED her. I hit him in the face. I cried. I screamed. I looked like a psycho. Then my alarm went off and I woke up.

But being Sunday morning, I went back to sleep and dreamed that he wanted me back. He explained that he’d made a bad mistake, and that I made him happy. But I was sort of seeing someone. He told me he wanted to be the only man in my life. So I agreed. Then I woke up. Alone. I’m far too used to having him here on Sunday mornings, to tell my strange dreams to. To cuddle, and fall back asleep with.

Last Sunday I made us pancakes and he made the eggs and we talked about his upcoming trip to Colorado and we chatted about wedding customs. I started to pick up the house a little, and he kept me company. We watched some TV and then he left.

This Sunday, I had nightmares about him being with other people and I woke up alone. Now I’m sitting in bed and I don’t want to get up because putting the effort into getting up scares me.

I don’t know what I want anymore. Part of me realizes that once he decided its over for good, it was over for good. Part of me knows that there was no chance. But part of me wants him to realize that he misses me and made a mistake and that he wants to try this again. I want to talk to him. I want to hear his voice and feel his touch. Part of me realizes that maybe the universe is telling me to find myself on my own, to just have fun and enjoy the moment.

Can I please just get off this ride?