Archive | November, 2010

Term Paper

28 Nov

I’ve got a term paper due on Thursday. So true to form, here I am writing on my blog and um, not writing my paper. I will bet anyone ten dollars that I finish my paper at approximately 1 am on Thursday morning, and then have some huge issue with my printer, and then have some issue with getting the paper printed, and then the instructor won’t accept an emailed copy. Ten dollars.

My life has been less than glamourous lately. My mom got let go from her job, and I no longer have insurance. I never thought about it before, because I’d never had to worry about it. But lately I feel myself terrified because I can’t get insurance through the state, and insurance through either work or private means is out of my price range. So now if something happens, well, I’m shit out of luck. It doesn’t help that nothing covers mental health insurance, so there goes the progress I could have made in therapy. Cool.

At least work is good, because if that were going down for me I don’t know what I would do.

Maybe I should  actually write this paper now. Or finish this season of Sex and the City. Choices, choices. My paper IS about human sexuality though. Can I pass this off as research? Please?

Part Deux

10 Nov

So I’ve really been thinking, if I lack the qualities I used to respect and aspire to, what can I do to change? I’m stuck in a rut, emotionally, intellectually, and, well, physically.

For starters, I need to devote much, much more of my time to my schoolwork. Right now its been about going out and having a good time and spending time with friends, etc. But the reality is, I’ve got a C in Biology (unacceptable), pretty sure I’m failing French, and as far as Human Sexuality goes…who knows. I think I might be doing well in that class actually.

I need to figure out how to love. Myself, other people, anything really. I need to learn how to accept people. I need to learn how to accept myself.

I want to get out of my unhealthy habits. I eat a lot of fast food, and junk food. I need to exercise more. I need to put more effort into my appearance, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to live without a daily cup of coffee (or four).

And so, intense self improvement begins. And tonight, it begins with early sleep. A Bientot!

The Girl I Dreamt Of…

6 Nov

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about who I thought I was going to be at this age, way back when I was 16. I’m honestly starting to disappoint myself. I used to have these really strong ideas and goals in life and I feel like I’ve somewhat turned my back on them.

When I was 18, I gave up fast food and meat because I believed that A) fast food was evil (it is) and B) abstaining from meat would give me a more clear and healthy system.

I don’t remember when or why, but that changed. I eat meat, and I eat McDonald’s with a shameful regularity. I used to really care about where my clothes came from, and I used to be really concerned with the resources I used on a daily basis. But now I just consume.

I want to get back to that girl I was, the one with ideas bigger than I knew what to do with. I want to stand up for the things I believe in again. I want to keep up with current events and formulate my own ideas about this world, instead of just being fed a watered down version of the truth.

Because honestly, I respected that girl.

Revenge, A Dish Best Served By Me

2 Nov

Sometimes, rarely, I open myself up to someone and give them my love and joy and vulnerability. Sometimes, that person squashes it like and unseen candy on the ground, leaving me well, squashed. If you know me, you know I don’t take kindly to that feeling.

Sure, I get sad. Then mad. But then the sweet day comes when I get even. I’m never one to just let the universe work its infinite wisdom and weave its karma. No no, taking matters into one’s own hands is much more pleasurable. Messy, but most often worth it.

Just remember, I always, ALWAYS, win. (: