Archive | February, 2011

How Did I Get Here?

14 Feb

Sometimes  I sit here in my room and I think “wow, how did this even happen?”

Sometimes I just wake up with a fantastic boyfriend, a purring cat, in my room that is all mine in style and comfort and think “what happened?”

I’ve come a long way from the girl who wore all black all the time (Okay, I still do that, but for other reasons now, I swear!), the girl who put tinfoil over the window to block the sun, the vegetarian angry at life hippie girl. I can look at all the metamorphoses  I’ve lived through and I see that who I was then led me right up to who I am now.

Now, I’m happy. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. And even when I’m unhappy, I get to leave work or leave the situation making me upset and cuddle with Moon, or Andrew, and it’s somehow all okay.

I’m glad that I can recognize where things have gone right, instead of dwelling on the wrong all the time.

I Was On Fire

10 Feb

Not literally.

I used to be super excited about my job and getting up and getting there was a pleasure. I got to do something I enjoyed and I got some pretty cool perks along the way.

But lately I’ve found that my job is just that, a job – not a career.

I’m getting burned out and I’m not entirely sure what to do about that. I’m in a position where I’m making good money and my employer is willing to work around the fact that I’m a student. If I change positions, I’m looking at the possibility of less pay, worse hours, more actual work, and I don’t know if that’s even a remotely good option. But the problem with my job is that if I’m not enthusiastic about being there, they won’t want me there. It’s not the kind of job that someone’s expected to kind of hate. Not only that, but customers kind of pick up on that sort of thing, and sales is a huge part of my job.

I wish that I could give it up and work on campus or simply less. I’m sick of driving to the other end of the county to get to work every day (I know, I chose that). I’m sick of wearing the uniform. I don’t know what to do about it because realistically I should be making more money to keep up with my current lifestyle. And my rent might be going up in a couple months because instead of having 3 roommates I’ll be down to 2.

I’m really not entirely sure what I’m supposed to do about this situation.

Grass and Jade

9 Feb

Okay, here’s a real update. Enjoy.

Lately I’ve been realizing that I’m a “grass is greener on the other side” kind of girl. I always wonder how things are on the other side. Sometimes I think, shit, I should be single and doing whatever I want (except I tried that and it didn’t go so well. I’m happier now anyways). I think, man I hate my job, I should get a new one because all the other jobs out there could be way better than mine. I think wow, I could live in a really sweet apartment if I could save up enough money.

And then I start to get jaded and bitter. Why don’t I have nice things? Why don’t I have the coolest job ever with amazing perks and oh yeah, health insurance? Why don’t I deserve them? And it really gets to me.

But then I have to take a step back. I have to remind myself that I’m currently in the best relationship I’ve ever had, and I couldn’t possibly be happier. I have to tell myself that I don’t have the coolest career ever because I’m still in college. And for someone in college I have a pretty damn good job. What other 21 year old college student can say that they have a company matched 401(k), sick pay, paid vacation, and a double digit hourly income? I complain because I have to wear the company shirt, but really, I can live with it just a little while longer I think. I have to remind myself that I’m paying less than $300 in rent because I live in a cheap (for this part of town) duplex and I have three roommates. Yeah, I can’t wait to live on my own. But for now, its a pretty sweet deal.

So I need to take a deep breath, put on a movie, cuddle with my boyfriend with a nice glass of wine and just tell myself that most days, my life really isn’t THAT bad.

While

8 Feb

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve got something cooking up, I promised. Not now, because I’m using Boyfriend’s shitty-beyond-shitty keyboard and I hate hate hate it. Also he says hi.